just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
