Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
