Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize