matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
