eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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