Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
