told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
