I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
