You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
