He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize