break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
