Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
