First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
