you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize