So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
