that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
