he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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