You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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