You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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