I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
