Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
