upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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