The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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