Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Even my vagina gasped.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
