It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
