don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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