Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
