worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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