I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
