I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
