and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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