i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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