then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
