just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
