Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize