do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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