So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
