hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
