I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it hurts more in the daytime
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
