I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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