I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
