if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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