I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
