love makes seman taste better
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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