What a fucking waste of an outfit
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
