The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
