Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
