I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize