These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
