whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
