we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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