omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
