I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize