considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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