$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
