bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She told me I should be a condom model.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
