The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
