Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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