We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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