I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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