I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
