So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
