Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
