yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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