I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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