Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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