I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
