i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
