why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
