I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
we're so committed to being not committed
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
