People in love make me want to vomit
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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