i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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