TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
