i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
