Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
