I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
