I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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