I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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