Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I didn't notice because vodka
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
