cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
