We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
